First of all, and most importantly, THERE WERE TWO GAMES TONIGHT. If we get nuked tomorrow and this blog post is all that remains of what was a wild and stupid Sunday night of softball, let our children remember that we won Game 1 5-4 and they won Game 2 something like 9-6.
We were up 5-0 going into the top of the "9th" in Game 1. We all agreed that it was their last chance to tie the score. They rallied, and came up with 4 runs, but when I caught a fly ball to center to end the inning, THE GAME WAS OVER. I threw the ball in to the infield behind my back in celebration and got ready for Game 2. OVER. GAME 1. OVER.
Then they were all, no, let's keep playing wah wah wah and so we reluctantly agreed. We put down the mushy ball and switched to a much harder ball that gave their big bats an edge. And they put a hurtin' on us. But it should have been the second game, and so it officially will be.
We came back in the bottom of the 9th and cut the lead to 9-6 (13-11) with one out, but then AC hit a GEHR and that was that.
I suggested Ray Parker Jr. and Huey Lewis as team names but DLee said it was too obscure. oh well, I'm going with it anyway.
Now on to the non-recap:
My JV baseball coach Mr. Piazza* was a real character, a classic hardass with a heart of gold. He had that Bobby Knight thing where you hated him but you loved him at the same time and you'd do anything to gain his approval. He had a saying, "After nine innings, if you don't smell like a homeless person, you ain't hustling."
Well, Coach Piazza, I must have hustled tonight, because when I got home I reeked of beer, urine, sweat, and maybe even a little unidentifiable general homelessness. And I wasn't alone.
The stench was with us tonight, and I doubt there was a person out there who could look me in the eye and say "It wasn't me."
Coach P. also used to make a big point about "No matter how you played today, there was something you could have done better and something you could have done worse." The morning after every game he'd leave a note in each of our lockers with the paper divided in half by a line. In the left hand column it was "Things you should be ashamed of" and on the right it was "Things you should be proud of."
Ok, Coach P., this 18-player postgame evaluation is for you. No order, and remember that I was kinda drunk.
1) Ambrose:
Should be ashamed of: failing to run out his infield dink shot in a close game (he'd have easily been safe); failing to come up with a better excuse than "I don't take charity"; threatening to call a strike on John Red Sox fan when John did his usual semi-swing at the first pitch of an at-bat.
Should be proud of: almost killing a couple of soccer players with a hard hit shot to right; running hard and fast several times; consuming 24 ounces of beer in under three minutes after the game ended.
2) Joe M.:
Ashamed: failing to acknowledge that Game 1 was a legitimate, self-contained piece of history; attempting to switch balls to gain an edge.
Proud: an amazing play at third base, reaching behind the bag to snare the ball and then firing a strike to get the dude at first; driving me home from the game; bringing beers.
3) DLee:
Ashamed: failing to acknowledge Game 1's legitimacy; somehow avoiding playing catcher for more than a minute or two; denying my Ray Parker Huey Lewis team names after I gave his suggested names from a coule weeks back big kwachas.
Proud: finding his hitting stroke; making a great play at third that was ruined when Matt Danbuddy dropped his perfect throw; inviting Kathy.
4) Matt D.:
Ashamed: dropping DLee's perfect throw; misplaying a couple balls at first; throwing his weird junkballs up there when he was pitching.
Proud: bringing a bat; lining some nice hits all over the field; being a nice guy.
5) Cigarette-smoking Dave:
Ashamed: Wearing jeans to the game; pitching real bad; cursing when he made an out.
Proud: Showing some good intensity; helping keep good mushy balls in play.
6) James:
Ashamed: Not living up to his Bunyanesque status -- failed to hit a mushy-ball CSHR.
Proud:hitting some terrifying shots as usual; showcasing primal, beastlike ability; spreading goodwill.
7) Doug:
Proud: Solid overall play including a couple of big hits in their rally innings; constructive "bitching and whining" at soccer ref.
Ashamed: using term "bitching and whining" to describe his own actions.
8) Hussar:
Ashamed: thrown out trying to take extra bases approximately 17 times; tried to murder Wazzo as Wazzo rounded third.
Proud: on base almost every time and hit several mushy balls to deep outfield; played some nice overall ball.
9) Leigh:
Ashamed: failing to muscle up and smack one out despite arriving in muscle-showcasing wifebeater.
Proud: improved D and fine, samurai-like HR call.
10) Dan K.:
Ashamed: failing to hit huge CSHR even after I offered to touch him in his special place if he did so.
Proud: Solid hitting and fielding; best line of the night: "Since this game was so close, why don't we just continue it next week?"
11) Wazzo:
Ashamed: not hitting any freaky Australian CSHR's.
Proud: Great play at 3rd to get us out of a scary inning; good speed on bases; bringing beers.
12) Red Sox John:
Ashamed: wearing jeans to a softball game; taking too long in the batter's box; not charging the ball in the infield; liking the Red Sox.
Proud: some decent rips and two absolute game-saving plays in leftfield, both in the same inning.
13) Kissel Sr.:
Ashamed: jeans, Red Sox; playing too close to the fence in the OF.
Proud: Some excellent hitting, including a beautiful double to right field; continuing to prove that he is the best opposite field hitter there is.
14) Me:
Ashamed: several errors, including the first two plays of the game and a dropped throw from Dan K. on a play where we could have nailed James at the plate; not putting up a stink when they failed to acknowledge our Game 1 win; being drunk; wearing the same outfit I wear every week.
Proud: Brought beer, pretzels; got some good hits and knocked in a few dudes.
15) Pete B.
Ashamed: letting his anti-soccer player rage get the better of him, causing him to strike out; spiking the ball in the outfield for no good reason, allowing a run to score.
Proud: the game's only CSHR, a real nice meaty shot that I think may still be stuck up in the softball tree; fine play overall; screaming at the stupid fucking softball players several times.
16) Evan:
Ashamed: Nothing
Proud: A couple of good hits; a tremendous over the shoulder catch on a popup with men on base; generally intelligent conversation.
17) Andrew C.:
Ashamed: two IEHR's, including the game-ender; wearing a football jersey to a softball game.
Proud: two nice IEHR's; a mushy ball shot to left center that would have gone 450 feet with a regular ball; brought beer and snacks, including pork rinds.
18) Kathy:
Ashamed: not playing quite as well as she did last time; wearing baseball pants.
Proud: a great barehanded pickup and throw to first; wearing baseball pants.
There you have it. A doubleheader split. Work on your weaknesses and we'll see you next week.
* I never had a coach named Mr. Piazza. I never had a coach, period. I have never played one second of organized sports. Anybody else with me on that?
No comments:
Post a Comment