BOX SCORE
Let me be clear right now. You are not getting a full-fledged, masterfully crafted, Kois-level recap this week. I am too busy and it took me at least an hour to set up this new site here.
You're welcome for that.
So we played the softball on Sunday night. Good weather, good fun, good hotboxes. Soccer douches encroaching down the right field line at 8:17 pm like they own the place. It was like we never left. You should have been there. Oh, you were? That was you? Holy shit. Man you look different. Did you lose weight or something? A girdle, huh? I haven't considered that, but maybe I will.
We had fifteen men on this fine April evening. Joe Monkeyweb was a late scratch due to a case of adult-onset adulthood. Joe, it'll probably get worse before it gets better.
Still no key for the lock. The drama builds. This week we had no problem getting in. Let's hope our hot streak continues. Or that D. Lee strikes gold this week. Or steel.
It was a reasonably late-arriving crowd, but not too bad. We messed around for about fifteen minutes and popped a few rotator cuffs and then it was time to play ball.
The first game was an old fashioned blowout, 9-0 Disco (us) over Rock (them). I will come clean and tell you that those are two names I just made up, because somehow we forgot to do it on Sunday. That won't happen again. It was a laugher. I am proud to tell you that I hit the first Called Shot HR of the season, a 3-run job in the 3rd onto Waveland...er...Leroy. Big Jim Lang also muscled up with a 3-run shot in the 6th, and Disco also received multi-hit performances from Lex, Doug, Mark, Chris L. and Pete. We played the field with grace and precision, turning several double plays and standing around absorbing just how great we were.
It was an old-fashioned slaughter.
The reset button was pressed, and Game 2 saw Rock dip into the free agent pile for Cey A., who provided an immediate spark on offense, finishing 3 for 3 with a run scored. Whether it was Cey's addition or just the natural human response to humiliation (which is of course anger and the desire to line solid base hits all over the field), Rock came out for Game 2 with a fire in their collective belly and several other awkward cliches. Back and forth it went, with Deion providing the first two thunderous drum beats on a scoreboard-doinking natural homer in the top of the first. Pete B. kept Disco on the dance floor with his first HR of the year, a 2-run called shot to right center in the 5th. Heading into the bottom of the 8th and final inning, Rock was hanging on 9-7 and looking as nervous as Richard Marx on the main stage at Ozzfest. Disco stayed alive by putting men on second and third with one out, and sent Doug to the plate with early season pride on the line. He responded with a hard chopper towards Eddie at first. The ball hit the ungroomed lip of the first base "dirt" and bounced high over Eddie's head. One run scored and Doug rounded first, brilliantly luring Rock into a time-consuming hotbox (the second of the game). While Rock concentrated on getting Doug out, Mark rounded third and broke for home, scoring easily with the tying run. It was now 8:57 and I figured we needed something big. Having used up my called shot already, I attempted to go for a natural HR but instead popped out to short. Then BJL tried the same thing, hitting a majestic drive in the general direction of the scoreboard. There was a moment where we thought maybe he'd done it, but the ball had too much carry and it sailed over the fence for an inning-ending, game-ending homer. But not the good kind.
TWIS Notes:
1) As you may have noticed, we have implemented a rudimentary stat-keeping system. Everyone was kinda skeptical at first, but maybe once they see that they are leading the league in hitting come June they'll start to wallow in their own dorkiness and have some fun with it. Thoughts on stats:
a) We will try to get it into an excel spreadsheet at some point so we can actually keep running tallies and averages, etc without doing everything manually.
b) As of now, we are only keeping AB's, runs, hits, RBI and HR's of all kinds (natural, called, and inning-ending). No doubles or triples so if you are thinking about emailing me to tell me you hit three doubles, kindly fuck off instead. Or take over as official statistician.
c) The official scorer dilemma kind of solved itself -- whoever is holding the book at that moment makes the judgment of hit vs. error. He is the scorer in every sense of the word. Or at least two senses of the word. I think he should have to yell it out in some stupid way or maybe hold up a sign that says "hit" on one side and "error" on the other, just to maximize our tremendous stupidity.
d) Everybody needs to either know how to keep score or pass the book to somebody who does. The scorecards were a bit of a mess, so don't complain if you think your stats are off by an RBI or a double. I'm telling you, if you mention the word "double" I am going to box your ears. Lex pointed out that he never learned how to keep score, and it hadn't been a problem until now. His life seems to have been no less rich for lack of filling out Yankee-Brewer scorecards from 1983. I don't really know what I'm getting at here, just that we need to be conscientious with the scoring if there is any hope of it continuing.
e) After approximately 8 seconds of debate, it was decided that any batter hitting an IEHR will be charged with as many at-bats as outs resulted on the play. In other words, if you hit an inning ender with nobody out, that's a quick 0 for 3. We can revise this if somebody can give me a good reason.
f) What do you think about the scoring? Is it fun? Is it a waste of time? Is it painfully juvenile? Any improvements you'd like to see (besides doubles)?
2) A Dunkin Donuts opened up across Hudson street. I can't help but think this will factor in big at some point down the line.
3) The night is too short. I find myself constantly rushing, mostly thanks to the soccer wanks, and it definitely inhibits my good time. I also forgot to bring Tall Boys for the first and final time this season. That'll help. Munchkins and Bud, mmmmm.
4) Please note that we are moving the signup sheet to this page (upper right), so everything will be self-contained. Please remember to sign up and don't fess, front, or otherwise screw things for the rest of us.
5) In this space here, please feel free to submit your suggestions for the following week's team names (in addition to any other brilliant comments you'd like to leave). We'll pick a good one and bank the rest for later.
6) We paid for lights and one bank of lights is completely out, leaving a rather dangerous void on the right side of the field. Anybody want to call the Parks department to see if they can fix it? What's that, you say you'd rather just bitch about it amongst ourselves for the rest of the season? Yeah, me too.
7) I am sore, sore like hanging drywall sore or wrestling wolverines sore, like I used parts of me that I never used before and should never use again.
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